Taking Flight

CW: eating disorders, depression, death

Swan School begins today. I'm a nervous ball of energy but I also want to take a nap. For the next 6 months, I'll be focused on teacher training and learning as much as I can about yoga and anatomy. They asked all the trainees to come prepared to speak about ourselves. I am terrible at this. I can speak publicly, I do it frequently, but hardly about myself. This is my blog and even with it, I have trouble writing about my experiences and inspirations for pieces. So here's how I got to today:

(If you just want to know about art stuff, scroll to the bottom)

I started doing yoga when I was 15 or 16, because I had quit tap dancing. I've always been on the chubby side, which sometimes seemed hard for my mom to accept and she told me I needed to have some sort of physical activity in my life. (Hi, mom) She also may have just seen the signs of teenage depression I had and wanted me to have something productive to do. Either way, I started going to yoga once a week at the Lourdes Health Promotion center in Lafayette. Classes consisted half of older people and half of college students and me. I loved it. I remembered specifically being able to sleep really well any night after class. I don't remember when or why I stopped going, but I did. I started going to punk shows more and whatever. I had become vegetarian and I had lost a lot of weight. People noticed and liked to tell me about my body. I developed an eating disorder subconsciously, because even at 17 I was a feminist and feminists don't get eating disorders. I remember the moment when I recognized my disordered eating habits, but it took me years to figure out how to correct them. I spent most of college overly boosting my blood sugar so I wouldn't faint. I tried to do yoga at UNO's Recreation Center but I was never consistent. Around my junior year of college, I started actually eating breakfast instead of just drinking coffee. I would drink so much coffee every day, I wouldn't have a regular appetite. I worked on films which meant I was maybe getting fed in the middle of a 12 hour day on set and there would possibly be snacks in between.

After college I found some more consistency in my life and was able to balance my eating habits. I would still frequently over caffeinate and boost my blood sugar instead of eating a decent meal. In 2011 I went to Mich Fest where I did a lot of yoga in my underwear in the woods and tried Acro Yoga for the first time. When I got back to New Orleans, I asked an acrobat I knew about acro yoga in the city. She pointed me to Swan River Yoga (Thanks Marion!), but it took me 2 years to make it to the studio. Ironically, I have never taken an acro class at Swan River. 2012 rolled around and a lot of traumatic things happened. A lot of changes were supposed to happen that year and basically everything went wrong. It's hard for me to talk about everything that happened. One of my friends was kidnapped and murdered. We spent 3 months searching for her before finding out what happened. One of my friends was supposed to move to Illinois for school, but was stopped a couple days before leaving because disability services aren't able to be transferred from state to state. At the time, I worked for her, so it changed my plans, too. The same week that we finally found out what happened to Mickey and her body was uncovered, another friend passed away. There were a lot of other things that happened, but it felt like every time I might find a semblance of normalcy, another thing got thrown on top. I was depressed and had insomnia. Most nights I thought bugs were crawling under my skin and all over me and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't paint. I couldn't do anything. I went to work and tried to keep that schedule. After every single one of my classes at Painting with a Twist, I would have to call someone to keep me distracted from crying the whole drive home. I would ride my trike, somewhat in defiance, with a cigarette and a vodka tonic every day. This was the one time in my life that I smoked semi-regularly. I would sign up for yoga classes and then not go. Around the end of 2012, the emotions started to trickle out of the bottle I had jammed them into. I started trying to process all the things I hadn't been able to before. This mostly just meant that I got into a lot of fights with friends and partners. These were so bad that I ended several friendships and my partner at the time broke up with me. I started 2013 wasted, covered in glitter, crying, in a mosh pit.

In January 2013 I went to a restorative yoga class with Kelly Haas at Swan River. A couple weeks later, I decided to go to a Beginner's class to see what level I needed to be at. I remember my first class so clearly. It was with Cassie Segal, who is now one of my best friends. It was 4 or 5 people in the class who were friends with Cassie or regulars. She and I ended up bonding over The Last Unicorn. She taught very precisely and slowly, using lots of props. I remember thinking it was fun, but to pay $14/class it was too easy for me, so maybe I should try a harder level. I woke up SO SORE the next day. I remember thinking "Well, that's where I'm at then" I started going every week. Sometimes I would take a second class in a week, but I was trying to stretch out my package as much as possible. Maybe 6 months in, I started checking in Kelly's Beginner's Class to take it in exchange, so I started doing 2 classes a week that way. Then they switched to doing longer work/study shifts and I was one of the first people signed up for it. Every Wednesday from 8:30-12:30, I checked in those classes and cleaned the whole first floor. This is before the cafe was open. I adopted a dog who cuddles me and keeps me going outside with him. I started thinking about Teacher Training that year, 2014, but I didn't think I could do it. I thought I wouldn't be able to afford it. I thought my body wasn't ready for the level of commitment the training asked for. They also used to make you do a juice cleanse and I was not about that. From that point, though, it was always in the back of my head. Every year it rolled around and I thought the same thing. In summer 2015, I broke my leg. I had to quit one of my jobs. I also had to spend a lot of time at my parents' house in Lafayette, since my house has a huge flight of stairs to get up. It was depressing. I'm not good at being still. I still went to restorative yoga when I was in New Orleans. I got a new job. In October I started walking again, but with an ankle brace. In November I was cleared for all physical activity and I went right back into yoga. I had to build a lot of strength back up, but I was able to practice regularly. I took a workshop with Tracey Duncan to help build a better home practice. It was after one of these sessions that I was driving home and was rear ended into another car. This event threw my life around, again. I was in so much pain and I had to navigate so much bullshit with insurances. I went to physical therapy for 6 weeks, but this time even restorative yoga was painful. I knew I couldn't keep up with the teacher training at this point. I spent a lot of 2016 getting myself physically ready for training. (Kelly Haas is amazing for injury support, btw). I still live with chronic pain and have to do a lot of work to keep my back and legs healthy. Yoga helps me do this. It's helped me get to know my body and learn to listen to it better. It's also given me this great community that I've been a part of for 4 years now. I'm excited to begin on this journey. To add another piece to the way that I can be a part of this community.

So be on the look out. I'll be hopefully teaching classes that incorporate modifying for different body types, discussing dysmorphia, and how to assist with injury support. #BigBootyYoga y'all.

Femme Fest 2017

I've been taking the time to create more space in my life to be able to do this training. That said, I'm still accepting commissions and art projects, but I have to be very precise with my time right now. If you have been considering asking me to create art for you, keep in mind that it will take extra time right now. If you would like to commission me, I only ask for a small deposit for supplies and then you can pay the remainder when I actually finish the piece. I can also give you an accurate quote when you tell me what you're looking for. For any communications, use the box to the left to get in touch. <3